Me too!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
