Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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