My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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