I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize