He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
