That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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