My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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