Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
