porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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