I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
