I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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