OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
