everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
