I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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