walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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