You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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