alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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