I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to calm my uterus...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize