I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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