Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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