wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
