i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
