K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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