i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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