Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
