He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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