i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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