so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
