first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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