If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
