Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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