I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
