why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
that is very illegal...i love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
