operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
