masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
