dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
