For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I believe in your delicious
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
