You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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