You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Found the puke drawer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
