I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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