If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
