You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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