I heard we made out
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
