I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
