I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize