I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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