i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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