i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
