69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I FOUND THE LEGS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
