Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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