I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
