Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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