I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
