I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
