i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
