As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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