you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
