maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize