he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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