last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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