one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
