This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
