i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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