Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I deserve this hangover.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
