Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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