sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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