then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
