Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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