the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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