I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize