No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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