sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
