How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
