i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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