It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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