I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
