i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize