i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
