I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
