Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
love makes seman taste better
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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