I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
