I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
