I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
