She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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