we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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