Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
