I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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