so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
