This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
