I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize