he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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