Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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