I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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