he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
