mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
